Do you want her to hear you? You must hear her first.
Do you want him to see your perspective? You must see his perspective first.
Being SEEN and HEARD is important to any relationship that has depth and vitality.
The person in front of you has DIGNITY. God made him or her. Recognizing the dignity of the other person is your job. It’s up to you.
When you are speaking with your young adults, and pretty much anyone, DO THIS: be on the lookout for how you validate them.
When they know YOU understand their perspective, and it’s a perspective that makes a lot of sense, then they will be more open to seeing your perspective.
When she’s telling you what she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing… then it’s your turn to explain to HER why it’s understandable that she’s thinking, feeling, and experiencing that. Validation is about showing that, “Hey, considering your experiences, your perspective on life, what you’ve been through, and your values, it makes sense that you are thinking/feeling that way.”
It takes some understanding. Perhaps you will need to ask a few questions so you can “get” the experience that they are having.
Listen to the podcast and get a sense of what the skill of “validation” is all about. Look for an opportunity to practice this skill in every conversation. The results will surprise you!
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We are Karen and Curtis Herbert, founders of The Catholic Midlife. Our mission is to spark a catholic midlife renewal and help YOU to step into your next season with purpose, hope, and a clear vision for the rest of your life.
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