Marriage

105 | Marriage: See the bid? Now turn towards.


Much of what is taught about having a great marriage is not very helpful, according to marriage guru John Gottman. He says one of the biggest keys is to learn how to cultivate a deep friendship. He writes, “I rarely see small moments of connection in the tapes of couples who later divorce or report their marriage has permanently soured”. Cultivate a connection with the habit of “turning toward” your spouse. There are big moments, like being asked to do something that takes a lot of time; you are not likely to miss those! Be in the habit of also paying attention to the many small moments where you can turn toward your spouse. When they talk to you, give them your full attention. When they point something out, check it out. Look for these “bids” for attention, affection, humor, or support. 

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